View of Knicks game at Madison Square GardenThe dogs and I were watching TV the other night and ended up on ESPN while looking for the Knicks game– so much fun now that Linn has arrived — but couldn’t find it so settled in to enjoy some major testosterone spectating. But first a commercial…and what a commercial. No it wasn’t one of those asinine GoDaddy ads that are such an enlightened delight during the Super Bowl. Rather it  looked like a schlock UHF TV spot from back in the 70s. Where did it come from?

Did a solar flare cause some wires to get crossed and I ended up in a TV wormhole?

I actually backed the TV programming up a few times to make sure I wasn’t imagining things. Well, that and the fact that I was laughing so hard the first time around I missed hearing every bit of the ad’s razor-sharp wit. Not since the ad for Shake Weight have I laughed like that at a commercial.

It was a spot for lifts, gel cushioned heel lifts to give you that essential extra inch or two or three. Not only was the ad sexist and biased but the whole thing was just jaw-droppingly stupid. The voice over guy talked statistics: about how it has been proven that taller people are liked more, get hired more often and make more money…uh huh. From the way he talked it sounded like he was suggesting that anyone at average height or below should just hang it up, find a nice ice floe and drift out to sea.

Floe ice (js)

Full disclosure here, I am on the short side, barely 5 foot 4. Okay, really I’m 5 foot .75 inches, but for pretty much my whole life I rounded that figure up. Hey, I wanted to be taller, I really did. At the doctor’s office a few weeks ago they used a digital device to measure my height and it came out to 5 foot 3. Ouch! I wanted a rematch but the nurse refused.

Anyway, back to the ad. At one point they had this guy, I’ll call him Chuck, illustrate the amazing power of a few extra inches…Chuck apparently wasn’t able to attract the girl of his dreams because of his alleged lacking in the stature department. The girl (alleged) stood aloof from him in the first scene. Now that could either be due to his height or the fact that she looked remarkably like a hooker and she was trolling  for a Saturday night date. Poor Chuck. He just didn’t measure up. Until he got these miracle-working heel lifts. Voila! Ohh boy, With his new height in his favor, the girl (or hooker) of his dreams quickly turned her sights on him, looking remarkably like a hungry cheetah eyeing some very slow-moving prey. Chuck did look happy there for a moment or two. And isn’t that what we all seek? To be happy for a moment or two. And if some gel cushioned heel lifts can do that, can change someone’s life around, who am I to begrudge that moment of happiness to anyone, even Chuck.

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